Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents

As a 73-year-old man who, as a much younger man, underwent 12 years of life-saving psychoanalysis, I can vouch for the fact that anyone whose parents did not love him or her, despite all attempts to heal, will most likely live their entire life with a hole in their heart that never quite heals. The condition can be coped with, but never quite eradicated. I'm not a reader of "self-help" books, but was attracted to this one by its title, having no idea that a category like this existed in therapeutic literature. I'm glad I bought it. With nothing more than daily dipping into its pages I have found much that has brought me comfort, a deeper self-knowledge, and a broadened awareness of the ways that my early life still inserts itself into my present behavior. This is powerful, helpful knowledge not only to me but for the ones with whom I live, love and work with. For one thing,Dr. Gibson is spot-on in her observation that certain people, due to their upbringing by rejecting parents, have a hunger for contact with people who think about them in kindly ways. Just having this pointed out to me helps me to see how, in the past, I have occasionally gone overboard, so to speak, with certain friends and acquaintances in my need for emotional support. This kind of information (and this book has plenty more of it) is emotional pay dirt and well worth the investment.

There are a few negative reviews that accuse the book of being judgmental and fostering dangerous, exaggerated attitudes toward parents. I actually didn't see that at all. This book gives a name to the subtle disengagement, distance and neglect kids suffer at the hands of parents who probably do a great job of providing food, clothing, shelter and physical safety.I burst into tears reading the chapters on internalizers and how they end up dealing with this; it was like reading my life story. I'm not sure my parents were bad enough to be considered true "narcissists," and I really do believe they love me. But they fall so clearly into the "emotional parent" (my Mom) and "passive parent" (my Dad) the author describes, and it was a disastrous combo for my sense of worth. It explained their behavior right down to exact words and phrases they use, and it also explained MY behavior and some of the self-sabotaging choices I've made as an adult. I was so relieved to hear it wasn't all in my head, that there were things I could do to find real emotional connection with other people, even in my 40s!I didn't come away judging my folks, but rather with new insight on how to deal with them, and how not to waste another minute of my life trying to get through to family members who have no desire to change. I'll take my parents as they are and not expect more than they can give, but also begin holding myself accountable for good choices now that I have this new information with which to move forward. I'm so thankful I found this book- it was dead on in its specificity.

Seriously, I was afraid of getting this book because I didn't know if it'll help me or become yet another way to ruminate on my anxieties surrounding my parents, especially my mother. I'm glad to say that isn't the case.I laughed, I cried, but most importantly, I felt heard. Dr. Gibson really and truly "gets it." Every page I turned to resonated with me on some level.Not only do I feel immense validation in my experience by reading this book. Her words have jump started my process of freeing myself from the burden of trying to "fix" my parents in a way that other forms of media have thus far failed.While other authorities on the subject framed my parents as these supervillians, whome I had to "outsmart", this book decides to frame them as basically emotionally underdeveloped children. When I started to look at them in that way everything really started to click. It disarmed their abuse in ways I never thought possible.They aren't intentionally doing these things to hurt me, rather they don't know any other way. That doesn't make what they did/do okay by any means but, for me at least, it removed the fear I always had when I was confronted with their tantrums. Listening to my mom fly into a childish rage because of a simple inconvenience is almost funny now.I'm so glad this book exsists. Thank you. I really mean it.

Recently, I read 3-4 books on children of narcissistic or self-absorbed parents. Each one was valuable in its own way, helping me untangle my thoughts and feelings.What I like about this book, in particular, is that is reveals the systematic nature of emotionally immature thinking, which underlies the behavior of parents, lovers, friends, and public figures. By revealing the pattern and then explaining the cause (self-protection), it allows the reader to depersonalize the behavior and the damage it has done.For the first time, I can feel "It wasn't me. It was never me. And, it's still not me." And, for the first time, I truly understand that it's a fools errand to try to make someone more emotionally mature. It's their path. I need to accept them as they are and decide how I want them in my life, if at all.Lastly, this book is very good for people whose parents weren't excessively narcissistic, who weren't controlling or grandiose in an exaggerated fashion. One's parents can be stable and kind but still deny a deep connection with their children because they can't tolerate negative feelings. This book reveals these more subtle dynamics while explaining that the fallout is anything but subtle to a child's emotional development.

Most of us we'll come across books that literally changes lives. This is that book. Emotional immature parents sounds harmless; it is far from that. For those of us that have survived, it is brutality and ugliness. After 60 yrs. I can say life feels like worn comfortable jeans. Sounds weird,I know. Life doesn't hurt. Imagine that. Dr. Gibson talks about having a second life after healing, trust me it's doable. Wish I had found this book 30 years ago.

This book came highly recommended by my life coach and I delayed reading due to a variety of reasons, finally starting it when I HAD to based on an experience with my parents. The fact that their behavior and responses matched almost exactly the template examples issued in this book was mind-blowing. And actually made me feel so much better about it!I definitely don’t feel alone anymore and it’s so helpful to know what I’m dealing with is not uncommon and be able to form my expectations around reality, not my friends’ parents or Hollywood stories. I feel empowered to set out on a true boundary setting experience with my parents, rather than caving to them because that’s always how they’ve been.I strongly recommend this book to anyone struggling with parents and setting adult boundaries. It does briefly mention “cutting off” but much of it is based on the expectation of continued contact, however significant you choose it to be.9/10

if you think you may need to read the book, then definitely read the book. I immediately sent a copy to my sister and we are both in awe. The information is clearly presented and easily digestible. As soon as I finished it i went back to the beginning to read it again.

This book allowed me to see why I have been treated as the 'rescuer' in my family and why I react to relationships the way I do. I felt so free and unapologetic after reading this book. No more mental bandage or guilt tripping. You have to recognize when people try to 'put you' back where they want you to be in order for them to continue their use and abuse. They will still try, but we have to be authentic and true to ourselves. I'm so thankful for the book.

This was an EXCELLENT book. There was so much packed into these pages. It took me a while to process all of it, all while going back and reflecting on my own life. This book answered so many questions for me. At times, I felt like the author was literally using the same words or phrases that have been circulating in my head for years, in regard to my own parents. The stories she shared from clients really hit home and again, captured much of the same language and scenarios that I experienced. Reading this book helped me to piece things together and connect the dots. Very powerful, validating, and illuminating. At the end, it felt great to have that confirmation and support to know that something really was wrong with mom and dad, that I wasn't crazy after all. Can't recommend this book enough!

I was surprised by how much this book resonated with me. I had parents who lacked the capacity to meet my emotional needs through mirroring, empathy and support— and now I’m a mother, I feel the importance of not repeating their offenses. There is much in this book that validates the part of me that turned into a people pleaser and the emotional pretzels to get my ever elusive positive feedback from my dad. I also identify with the mature and self contained part of myself who had to take on the emotionally difficult tasks my mom was incapable of. Gibson weaves the threads together deftly to show that any child experiencing the types of inconsistencies and feedback of growing up with a parent like this will have similar experiences, which helps me feel not defective or alone in the human experience. She makes an excellent case, through research illustrated with clinical anecdotes, that the child is not at fault. I'm up to the last chapter on solutions - all about boundaries and objectivity and readjusting expectations.

I won't bore you - but I was raised in a very-upper-middle class household with plenty of money and egos to match. For years I thought that the way our family behaved was normal - that all families treated each other horribly and said horrible things to each other. We were an ivy league family - with all the back room trappings of a horror film. In the end, they ended up getting divorced, but the cycle of abuse continued; for decades.So, I went through decades of therapy, thinking that it was something I did - that somehow I was to be blame for the poor relationships, depression, immaturity, lack of focus, etc. Not that I am blaming them for all of my issues, however you do have to admit that how you were raised has a profound impact on your personality. It took decades for me to slowly begin learning where the issues were really sourced.When my father died recently, I was hoping to finally get some closure. That somehow, this highly educated, well read man, who I had exposed to many, many exhaustive conversations about our relationship, would have finally, in an act of decency, have left me a letter, or a video or something - to express his regret over the family and the way things had worked out. Not to assume blame, or to assign blame - and not even in person - but just something to express his love and regret for the lack of love in the family I grew up in.No. His death was just another perfunctory event, with documentation, his golfing/skiing friends and his lawyers. No letter. No video, No regret - at all. "Remember the good times!" friends suggested. Huh? When was that? Seriously. Please tell me.So, I found this book right after his funeral, and found that my parents were basically 'dine-and-dashers' when it came to parenting. They stumbled into it; really had no interest in it, and found their position to be absolutely reasonable to themselves. I thought this might be yet just another book on narcissists - I was wrong.This book is very small - but is is powerful. It spoke to me, and described both of my parents (my father, then 'absent narcissist' and my mother, the 'emotional narcissist') to a TEE. It's very easy to read - I burned it up in a two days with occasional reading and it literately gave me the keys to the rest of my life.I have since cut ties with my birth family. After reading this book, I've found myself and come to the conclusion that I want/deserve happiness with my own family (of which there is plenty, I assure you) in the time that I have left on this earth (which is not a lot anymore). Not that I hate them, but frankly, as the song goes:"I'm not ready to make niceI'm not ready to back downI'm still mad as hell, and I don't have timeTo go 'round and 'round and 'roundIt's too late to make it rightI probably wouldn't if I could'Cause I'm mad as hellCan't bring myself to do what it isYou think I should"If you even -suspect- this book might be helpful for you - I urge you to give it a try. It's small, inexpensive and easy to read - and IT NAILS IT. COMPLETELY.Good luck to you! =)

I would recommend this book to anyone who had trauma in their childhood or ongoing difficulty relating to their parents. You’ll find descriptions that fit your parents and unfortunately find descriptions that fit yourself. This is your opportunity to stop expecting something from people that they can’t give; they don’t have the capacity. It’s also your opportunity to take a deep hard look at yourself and change. Get this book now so you can start the work tomorrow. All of your future relationships will benefit from it.

I suspect that emotionally immature parents often raise emotionally immature children. To that end, this is a good book for everyone to read. And as a mom myself, I'm even more grateful because it's helped me identify what I need to do to break the cycle of emotionally immature parenthood.

I loved this book! It was a hard read not for the vocab but the truth many of us know about our family patterns. She informs the reader so beautifully that self awareness is key and a journey to reliving … definitely a must read to enhance personal relationships in general ❤️

Any reader who has had psychotherapy will recognize many of these concepts and wonder why the author uses so many similar terms, which she goes to great lengths to micro-differentiate. Even so, it's a worthwhile book. The discussion of time was new to me and very helpful in explaining why family members get so angry when challenged about acting exactly as the author describes. This explained why trying to have an authentic relationship with somebody who does not want that produces such rage, and in a switch-flip nanosecond. Thanks.

This book spoke volumes to me, both professionally and personally. It’s one of those, “where has this book been all of my life??” kind of books. Very well written, easy to read, packed with helpful information, and unlike a lot of self-help books, it gives legitimate tools for managing emotionally immature parents and other people who seem to fall under this umbrella. Also, the author does a wonderful job of expressing compassion for and a balanced view of the emotionally immature parent. This helps to provide an honest assessment of the parent without villanizing. She also provides a cautious optimism rather than a doom-and-gloom outlook. Would highly recommend reading and reviewing this book with a trained professional.

I couldn’t put it down and read it in two days. I have recommended or sent this to a dozen people and I have had it for 4 days. I am going to go through it again but it totally reframed so much of the negative interactions from my childhood and has made them so much less painful.

I havent finished it yet but the first chapter alone really had me mind blown. If you are going through some self reflection read this. This has helped me understand things about myself that I hadnt been able to label and it explained it so well. Cant wait to finish .

My therapist recommended this book and it has been so powerful. I see my entire life through a new lens. I think there are millions more who need to read this. I’ve already recommended it to several clients and friends.

This book is the single most affirming and healing book I’ve read in awhile & I read a lot. It is helping me to finally see my parents for who they are & respond accordingly instead of hoping to change the relationship

Love this book. I stumbled upon a tiktok from a therapist who was recommending books and ordered this one. I knew my parents had issues but now I know how to manage conversations so I'm not emotionally drained by them and I know more about myself and why I do certain things. Great read with tons and tons of examples

I have been looking for this book for over 20 years. This writer knows what she’s about. As one who suffered emotional neglect and abuse, I have never been able to articulate what happened to me and how it hurt me or overcome the shame about why as a woman pushing 40 I am still affected and unable to get past it.This book is the answer I’ve been looking for and believe me I’ve been looking (in all the wrong places but in some of the right ones too.) This book is a salve to my wounds and offers practical guidance on how to move forward.If you were neglected and can’t figure out why it’s a big deal - get this book.

As a psychiatrist who has worked with complex trauma for over 30 years, I found Dr. Anderson's book an extremely helpful roadmap for the work. Though I have not trained in IFS, there is enough information here to help clinicians navigate the landmines of the treatment relationship and help keep the therapy moving forward towards integration. Sharing his on trauma history throughout gave the book a more personal feeling and allowed me to hear his suggestions and guidance as coming from an integrated professional/personal experience.

I am a clinical social worker and, although I am not trained in IFS, I am very curious about it's use for trauma survivors. Dr. Anderson's description and use of IFS theory in this resource was accessible to me and hopefully for others not trained as IFS clinicians. His intelligent and heartfelt style is very compelling and comes thru in the text.

As a clinician, it is not always easy to find an author/teacher who offers both ground-breaking clinical expertise along with being personally courageous and deeply compassionate. Frank Anderson offers the reader all of that, and more, with this book.

As a psychotherapist, this book is a wonderful resource to gain a more in-depth view of working within the IFS model with clients exposed to trauma.

Succinct, well informed, and organized direction to therapists utilizing this method. I’m grateful

I'm a trauma survivor, not a therapist or other type of psychiatric practitioner. I bought this book in the hopes that learning about the IFS treatment modality would help with my own journey of healing and recovery. Instead, I was confronted with a book full of pathologization, victim-blaming, paternalism, and stigmatization of people who have already been put through the worst things imaginable on this earth. A book that calls survivors of extreme childhood abuse who have DID "masters of deception" and claims that they exagerrate their crises. There's nothing groundbreaking about victim-blaming and stigmatizing and pathologizing survivors of extreme trauma. This is the same disgusting treatment that the psychiatric industrial complex has always always given us. Just more harm and mistreatment and belittlement, shrouded in a false front of "compassion" and paternalistic baloney. And the author refers to his own identity as a trauma survivor - as though that absolves him of anything, as though survivors aren't capable of enacting harm, especially as someone in a position of extreme privilege and power as a neuropsychologist who's been working in the psychiatric industry for decades. So disappointed, but unfortunately not surprised.

Dr. Anderson’s explanation of healing developmental trauma is perfectly calibrated for helping professionals AND trauma survivors. While the interpersonal interaction between therapist and client resembles traditional and contemporary models, emerging neuroscience is brilliantly applied in IFS therapy. Anderson balances the distinctive features of IFS and emerging knowledge about the varied origins and impacts of trauma, while carefully navigating clients’ experience of traumatic events from infancy to the present. Invariably, Anderson avoids lengthy twists and turns in clients’ lives, instead synthesizing core challenges and interactions that promote healing. As a practitioner and trauma survivor, I am grateful to learn that therapy can reveal and heal early abandonment and abuse, even late in life. Past time to lay this burden down.

For nearly 30 years I have worked with adults burdened with pain from the neglect and abuse they experienced in childhood. It is challenging work as trauma survivors' behaviors are routinely labeled, stigmatized, and pathologized and because those behaviors are often extreme they are also deeply misunderstood. Few know this better than IFS therapist, trainer, and researcher Dr. Anderson. For nearly four decades IFS has offered therapists a non-pathologizing, novel, and compassionate approach to healing trauma, their own and that of their clients. Dr. Anderson's contribution is a long-awaited addition to the IFS compendium of resources. His book provides valuable information on advances in trauma research, neuroscience, and reminders that one size does not fit all. Dr. Anderson's message is straightforward. He asks us to meet clients where they are, to know that despite the degree of pain there is also the innate capacity to heal and that this is a journey we take together. His offering is hopeful, informative, insightful, and very much appreciated.

My soon to be wife told me to order this because of stuff I have opened up to her about and WOW. Let me tell you this book is helping me so much. I am not even out of chapter 1 right now and it is bringing so much emotions out. As a guy I would recommend this book highly!!

Recommended by my CBT therapist, I recognized several family members’ parenting methods, and -unfortunately - my own. <sigh>I hope this book will help me break the cycle.

This book is simple and clear, with no jargon to confuse its information.I found it extremely consistent with my psychotherapy and I now can identify several of the points in my upbringing and former marriage. It's a great tool and definitely doesn't have that self-help vibe - it's the real thing and it will set you on the path to more meaningful relationships.

This book has blown me away. I’m learning all sorts of things I’ve had trouble processing due to growing up with difficult parents. Recommend this for anyone who’s trying to work through childhood neglect or trauma due to the actions and emotions of their parents.

As many people have said, this book is life changing. If you feel, even the slightest, that you don’t understand how a parent is responding to an event, that it may be an exaggerated reaction, read this book ❤️

I reccomend this book for clients and have yet to get a bad review. This book helped me personally and provided more insight into my experiencecs dealing with parents that missed the mark. I like that the book was not written clincally, which makes the read easier and less stuffy. I believe the best part of the book is that for hurting adult's that had parents who did some damage, it allows us to have more compassion for ourselves and even our parents. The books does a great job not invalidating the child or the parents experience, and focuses more on how to cope today, and not stay stuck. Most of the time parents are not setting out to damage their children. Sadly our parents didn't have the best upbringings either and parented from a deficit emotionally.

A lot of it resonated with me and made me feel seen. A lot of things I was confused about in myself and my family make more sense now. It’s a very healing book and I was pleasantly surprised to see some efforts I’ve already made with family were listed as positive solutions in the book.

I gained much- needed insight from this book! It helped me realize that some of my less positive traits were learned, and that I can unlearn them. Be prepared to cry and feel relieved… sometimes at the same time! I’ve recommended this book to several people

This book is not only informative, but it also guides you through struggles with emotionally immature parents. If some part of you wants to read this book, don’t doubt yourself just read it and let it validate and help you. I like this book because it categorizes different types of immature parents and different types of children who come from them, then it helps you figure out ways to communicate and handle your parents at the level that you want. I highly recommend.

Every page of the entire book ended up with highlights! The entire book spoke to me - helped me depersonalize emotional immaturity which has created a feeling of unworthiness my entire life. Felt lighter and lifted when I finished the book and believe it was exactly what I needed to come to the realization that I can create a full and rewarding life on my own despite the never-ending desire for stronger emotional connections with my immediate family. I’ve filled this void with friends I refer to as my chosen family. Reading about all of these dynamics helped me immensely. Black and white words that have left me stumped for so long. Highly recommend ♥️♥️

This book allowed me to excavate my childhood trauma, recognize my toxic behavior, understand my child-self and wake up to my true adult self. After reading this book, for the first time in my life, I feel like I know who I am, I understand why people are the way the are and I can navigate human interactions and relationships in a more emotionally aware and self-protective manner. Thank you Lindsay!

My therapist recommended this book, and I’m so glad she did! This is a wonderful book! It provided me with so much insight of the inner workings of my own parents and their immaturity. I feel more in control of my life thanks to this knowledge, it’s very powerful.

This book is a must have to release the guilt and shame from a painful childhood. Felt like most pages were like I had written my memoir. Almost every page is fully highlighted or has personal notes from my discoveries and connections I made while reading.If you are anything like me, you had no childhood. You were an adult with tremendous responsibilities from a very young age. The weight of the world was on your shoulders and you often parented your parents. You played the role of the “good child” in order to stay safe and not create more chaos. This book brings it all together. It helps you make sense of your actions and understand why your parents couldn’t be present to you.Read this, do the work, and release the pain to discover your beauty and strength…and then, share it with the world! Be well!

This is a very powerful read because it identifies the truths of being raised by immature parents. In doing so, it takes the message implicit in being raise by such parents (that there’s something wrong with ir defective about the children) and puts it back with the immature parents. Moreover, there is illustrative discussion drawn from clinical experience. I found myself saying, “Yes! That’s how it was. That’s the truth.”

The more I read, the more I understood the burdens I have carried my whole life. Having been raised by an emotionally immature mother and older brother I never really experienced my own sense of peace and enlightment. As a successful internalzer I always felt empty inside as if some sense of self was missing. Having read this book I now identify as myself and realize that emotionally immature people caused me to reject and dislike my true self. Now I fully embrace my self and I see changes in relationships around me. I am now in control of my maturity and project that maturity in all of my affairs. I am liberated and it is easier to support the happiness of those in my life.

This book breaks open the wound and helps you heal. I not only took so much from this book but have learned how to treat the situations with my parent, knowing that it's not about changing them it's about you healing and knowing how to handle what has transpired.

This book is essential if you grew up in what you consider a happy home but you feel like there was something that wasn't quite right with your home life. Emotional neglect is hard to put your finger on as there aren't easy events to point to as triggering memories.Finding this book while working through some depression really opened my eyes as to why I was handling some trauma the way that I was. It also helped me gain invaluable insight to my parental figure(s) and my interactions with them.As I mentioned in the header, have a notebook handy when you start reading, because you are going to want to take some things down!

I literally read this book so fast it amazes me!!!!! Eye opener and definitely makes your mind see things from different prospective.I love the way she tells stories with examples of traits you might not see at first, I feel like I’m talking to my therapist lol when she talks in this book!!! lol amazing amazing book!!! don’t miss out guys!!!! Don’t wonder about your past?! she gives you tools to understand the emotional part of the brain.

This book was so life altering in the best way. The author is an incredible writer and is helpful for anyone who wants to free themselves or avoid making the mistakes many parents have made that have affected their childrens’ lives. It’s a must have Bible for anyone wanting to become a parent too. The author leaves no stones unturned and when you are done reading it you will feel so free and understand why you were not free and how to apply this immediately to your life. It’s as if you were born again and your life is now finally on the right track and NOTHING can hold you back in life. She truly should get an award for this book.On another note- after reading many of the bad reviews I have surmised that they are still too emotionally immature to have understood this book and apply the wonderful material in it. Perhaps they were just not ready to change. I’m hopeful that they will reread it again one day and reap the rewards from this brilliantly written book.

People often link the word abuse to abuse they can see; physical abuse, but no one ever calculates mental abuse. This book is spot on. They explain with simplicity what many have suffered from and lack the ability to explain for years. People assume if you were fed, cleaned, and clothed you couldn’t have possibly had sufferings. This books proves what I’ve felt all along. It also explains how we transfer abusers. From toxic parents to toxic partners. If you were the black sheep because you pointed out all the wolves this book is for you❤️. Loved it and should be included in all psychology classes.

This book provided great information on insight about how we become the by product of generational trauma and unhealthy emotional pattern...Ithink it should be recommended reading for new and seasoned therapist for self awareness and to assist client..The last chapter was my favorite as it gives the reader an example of what healthy emotional awareness look like...

I’m grateful I found this book! It helped me to understand a lot about the family dynamics I grew up in and helped me to feel valid in my confusion of it all.I also loved how practical it was. I loved that she gave real examples of clients because I was able to understand the concepts more. Plus, I loved the realistic approaches to conflict with parents and how to handle that through observation rather than reaction. My parents are pretty quick with their responses so I don’t know how much I could observe without being like…attacked. Lol but I also found the examples empowering so I could see a potential for how to have conversations with my parents.I highly recommend!

This book was like being in a desert and finally stumbling across an oasis! As an astrologer, I’m no stranger to going deep reflection mode to get answers - but this book helped me to turn the lose threads into a full tapestry.So much of what Adult Children states I conceptually understood, but the author just makes them make sense and the way she breaks things down not only informs but empowers you as you’re reading. So many behaviors from myself to my parents, grandparents and beyond finally made so much sense - didn’t change what happened, but it changed how I saw us: as traumatized people that deserving of compassion and happiness.I especially loved the case studies, because they’re relatable and helped me to see where I would invalidate my own feelings because of what I was taught, or even realize that there was a problem in the first place. But what I truly value from this book is that it’s almost like having a dear friend. Someone that can see you as you are, your pain/blame/shame and help you see that YOU’RE not the problem, AND you have the power to change the results you have in life.If you’ve ever felt like/had people tell you that you’re “overly sensitive” or feel dismissed - this book will help you shed so much light on why and what to do. Adult Children helps you to validate yourself regardless of where you’ve been or are - and I cannot recommend it enough! 11/10 would read again!

So many reviews shower praise, rightfully so, on this book that I find it difficult to add anything new. I read this book on the heels of two other excellent books: Dealing With the Unavoidable Narcissist in Your Life by Sydney Koh, and The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment by Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert Pressman.I found that the process of reading these books in this order (the narcissist books first) worked really well for me, as I found it helpful to fully understand narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder which co-exists with emotional immaturity.These books together have allowed me to see and now deal with reality--my family and people as they are and not as I wish them to be, and me as I am and not as I think I should be, or as other's think I should be. And it gave me permission to not apologize for seeing everyone in their true light.Lindsay Gibson's Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents gave me the permission to detach, to assert my sense of self worth, and to affirm that self-worth by taking her excellent recommendations on living my self worth out. It gave me permission to stop all attempts to "reach" my mom and to understand that a person's emotional immaturity is something that won't be changed because it can't be changed without dedicating lots of time to SELF-REFLECTION. I call it "doing the work," which I can now, at sixty years of age, unequivocally say is paying off in huge dividends of freedom and lightness of being.I can now have what I like to describe as an "out of body experience" when I am with my mom and certain siblings--I can be in the room but not of the room (as the Bible verse goes) and be confident of my hard-won and inwardly explored arrival at EMOTIONAL SEPARATION from those whose only motivation is to direct and control my attention and consideration upon THEM. And even better, I am cut loose from the incessant previous need to gain their sincere admiration and affirmation. I don't need it anymore thanks to these books.I filled almost every page of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents with notes that wound around paragraphs and down the margins. I underlined entire paragraphs, and wrote things like "Yes!" and "So true" and "I need to work on this!" I just noticed there is a workbook, so I think I am a good candidate for that, as others also mentioned they kept a journal as they read.It is an unbelievable journey to travel with a person--in this case the person of Lindsay Gibson--who paints an almost exact portrait of one's parents and certain siblings, and who "gets" and deciphers my previous attachment to the dysfunctional role I grew into with my family. Her final chapters on how to move forward are priceless, and I cannot wait to intentionally incorporate her approaches into the remaining years of my life!A huge and grateful Thank You, which doesn't even begin to cover how much this book has opened up to me!

I CANNOT tell you how EXACTLY SPOT ON this book is! If you need to heal from childhood trauma with a parent THIS BOOK IS FOR YOU! I have been highlighting up a storm because it all MAKES SENSE NOW! Been dealing with the trauma since I was 8, now I'm 39, 31 years is TOO long, and this book is helping me step out of the emotional manipulation box.

This book helped me a lot to understand why my parents acted in the ways they did. I felt like it really understood me and sometimes it even seemed like she wrote it just for me. It took a while to get through because it certainly stirred up some painful feelings, but it was worth it and facing those things helped me to accept them.

This book changed my life. I wasn't sure how, but I wanted to thank the author. My friend works in editing and she said I should leave a review... so with all my heart, thank you for what's in these pages. I have found so much understanding and peace, with myself and my close relationships. I can't thank you enough for your work. -Alisha

I've worked with kids in many youth organizations and I've seen this book play out almost a majority of the time these days. Todays adults seem to be big children (emotionally) in adult bodies and this book explains it all. They can't handle conflict, they can't handle stress, and it is extremely damaging to kids. I've had parents ask me for help and advice before and it's just scary how little they realize their emotional immaturity is the problem. If you think your kids are the problem, then it's actually you who needs to be fixed so take ownership and do it.

I just got the book today, so I’m only at chapter 1. But this is already the most validated I have ever felt! I was misty eyed by the end of the intro, and learning the definition of concepts that impacted my life for over 30 yrs, despite not being in chapter 2!! Worth every penny and more 🥹

I love this book. Long before this book was written, I spent forty years figuring out the way many of these behaviors applied to my mother. It is so comforting to know this author wrote a book about emotionally immature parents, and that she has the education and credentials to confirm what I was striving to define. I cried when I began reading it.I felt like I was thrown into an abyss by my mother and sadly, I spent most of my life trying to get out of it. My heartfelt thanks to this author for her wonderful book. It will bring healing to many people.

Reading this book has helped me understand the struggle my own parents must have endured, and how and why they respond to me in the way they do.It has also helped me be self-aware of some things I do that are inadvertantly similar. So I can make sure I change things for my own children.

This book helped me realize that I was hiding my true self under layers of unrealistic expectations. It helped me think differently; people might just like me for who I am. They did. Now I am less exhausted from carrying a fake face and now I have real friends.Also, it helped me forgive my parents to the best of my ability. :)

This book was incredibly eye opening, not only to my past experiences but ongoing issues with relationships that I've had throughout my life. Simple and to the point, with using examples to show how these issues show up in everyday life. It was a pleasure to read.

This is one of the most important and profound books I have ever read. More than self help, this is self discovery at the highest level. I have gifted and recommended this book many, many times, and have received gratitude and positive feedback every time. There are questions, stories, and anecdotes throughout that might cause discomfort, but there is no growth without the pain of becoming. You can do it, and you’ll be better for your efforts. Happy healing, friends. ♥️

My therapist recommended This book and I honestly thought it was going to be another let down. I have read many self help books in the past but none of them were helpful. This book is so on point and has put explanations and labels to aspects of my life with my parents and myself that I was never enlightened on until now. I am so happy I purchased this book. A true eye opener.

Years of therapy did not explain to me what this book has. It has even helped me understand the behavior of my ex-husband and his sudden betrayal after saying I was his soulmate for eternity and then suddenly blindsided me with a divorce to be with another woman because I stopped wanting to be his caretaker because he also had emotionally immature parents but he didn’t want to grow up with me. He instead chose to be with another woman who promised to not make him grow up emotionally. Hopefully I can learn to avoid being with a man like that again now that I understand why I chose someone like that.Now I have to figure out how to grow up when forced to live with my emotionally immature parents again who thought it was ok to not prepare their daughter to live financially without being dependent on a man. It’s not easy! This book is more helpful than therapy.

Very helpful for understanding my reactions to the older adults in my life. Helpful in training myself to have more realistic expectations and to protect myself from garbage behavior.

This book has completely changed my life. If you have even an inkling that you may have emotionally immature parents- read it!

For all my life I was unaware that I had high functioning depression. Then during the pandemic my mental health went downhill and I decided to seek therapy. Prior to starting therapy I decided to do a bit of research to get to the roots of my issues only to realize I had childhood trauma. The books that helped me on my healing journey were The Body Keeps A Score, Scattered Minds, and Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. This book helped me distill down the causes of my issues to help me prepare for therapy. Most importantly it helped me get over self blame and taught me self compassion which are critical in your healing journey. It saved me the cost of therapy sessions for trying to figure out what my issues were. For each of my therapy sessions I walked in with clarity and self awareness about the issues I had. This help my therapist come up with tools to help me tackle my mental health challenges. The problem with being raised in toxic family system is you are often unaware that is the issue. Most recently I gave this book to my brother who was in denial that we were raised in a toxic household. The book was an eye opener for him and a stepping stone on his healing journey.

The topics hit home for me. It concisely described topics that came up in sessions. To have those concepts confirm is reassuring. The book helped me to let go and move forward. We are a culmination of our guardians' baggage. If they are lacking, then they can't provide the support we need and want. Understanding the dynamic objectively, allowed me to let go subjectively. Send this to any friend who is stuck and can't understand "Why."

Finding a way to explain something I've been dealing with all my life was enough for me to cherish this book, but also being given tools and a way forward was more than I could have ever asked for. Trying to express what I've been feeling or the situations I've dealt with has never been easier after reading this. And the change in perspective honestly twisted my life around, if anything I wish I found this sooner.

This book has shed so much light on what has been decades of frustration with an emotionally immature individual in my life. Gaining this understanding, learning coping tools, and finding that it is an experience many other people have shared, is a profound relief. I’ve recommended this book in person to many of my friends who have experienced challenges like this in their life as well. Dr. Gibson has provided an enormous amount of wisdom in a brief and intense book.

The cone is nice and soft inside for my dog. It fits kind of large, but that is good and my dog is not able to reach outside to lick his paw. It has large Velcro part and also two clips. They make it more solid and mor durable. I have large and it fits my 40 lb mix-breed dog and also my 80 lb Doberman.

Great product, highly recommend.My dog had an injured eye and constantly pawed at it. The vet gave us a plastic cone which I could tell was uncomfortable and caused issues breathing when laying down.This cone provided the comfort and flexibility for our dog to breath easy and get some sleep.It was easy to take off and put on for feeding time. Love it!

My dog has allergies. This keeps her from scratching and hurting herself. It also is soft and easily wear able and she tolerated it way better. The cone does not scratch furniture and walls.You can buy with confidence！

This is a better cone collar. I purchased a L for a German shepherd. I liked the velco layout and the loops were stretchy enough for an inch collar or more.

I bought a large for my 46lb husky. It fits perfectly on him. He has a hot spot near his genitals that he keeps licking and making worse. Even lick the medicine off so my only option to heal this hot spot was this cone.The e cone itself is soft and doesn't hurt when he bumps into me or the furnitures. It also doesn't seem to be as jarring to my dog when he hits in on something compared to the plastic cones.Well worth the money!!!Love it!!!

My cool boy is a little large for his height around the neck, so this cone was a little long BUT super easy to fold back and make more comfortable! I have scrubbed the inside multiple times (little dish soap and coarse brush) and it has came clean and dried up wonderfully!

Our eight month old Labrador Retriever needed emergency surgery. He came home from the vet with one of those hard plastic cones.I looks he is not comfoerable in it. So we got this as a replacement and we’re so glad we did. It’s a lot softer and a lot quieter! We love this soft cone!

I never write reviews, but a large does NOT Fit a 85lb German shepherd. The photo is deceiving… since it’s quite literally a GSD. It won’t even fit around my dogs neck. It gets 2 stars for the design and how comfy it looks for him (when we get the right size)

I believe it took me nearly 35 years to get to the point where I could finally see my parents’ relationships with me objectively. And this is the book I read to finally break through in that understanding. I believe my healing fantasy (explained in the book) involved becoming terminally ill, and I believe that has contributed to a serious decline in my health and several illnesses. I’m so thankful I am aware of this now instead of just acting it out subconsciously. I have hope at a level I’ve not felt in I can’t remember how long. A heartfelt thank you to the author.

I bought this after a friend recommended it and I read the positive reviews. Overall I’m glad I read it. The author provides an interesting and straightforward description —with clear examples— of emotionally immature parenting and how it can impact the lives of adults throughout the lifetime. It’s an excellent read if you think you’ve experienced this. I could relate to points on nearly every page. The book serves as a solid companion in your healing journey, but to truly process the material I would recommend working with a therapist and particularly one trained in trauma therapy. Ultimately I thought the last third of the book was less useful, and it didn’t provide many tools for helping to overcome and heal from toxic relationships with immature parents.

This book was recommended to me and I was almost hesitant to purchase, thinking to myself, "No, this doesn't apply to me". But I got it anyway and not only can I apply it to my own experiences as an adult child, but also as a parent and friend. Excellent book with so much helpful exercises and things to keep me thinking.

Those of us who know what it’s like to grow up with emotionally immature parents NEEDED a book like this. I haven’t even gotten all the way through it yet because it’s a lot. It will bring up lots of feelings for you, but this isn’t a bad thing. It has helped open my eyes and see things from a new perspective. I recommend this book to anyone with generational trauma that they are trying to overcome, one step at a time.

This book is one of two that have dramatically shifted my thinking and compassion for my parent's emotional handicaps. I am still reading this but I am getting great nuggets of wisdom and insight in nearly every page. I have said for a long time that none of us escapes childhood unscathed and this book explores a layer of that scathing that is almost never addressed. If you find patterns in your relationships of all kinds that you want to address, this is the book to read because YOU are the common denominator to all of your relationships.The other book is Getting the Love you Want by Harville Hendricks.

The book felt it was made for me. It described my painful past I experience as a child. It freed me to re-evaulate my values based on my true self and not from the persona I made up over the years. I now know what I need in my life to be truly happy and to find inner peace. Just wow, amazing! Read this book in a couple of days because it was so good. Definitely recommend if you want to experience peace.

At the right temps and speed this is a great filament for ornaments. Initial layer has to be printed a little slower for better adhesion. I have gotten some nice results so far, I would like to see a silver glitter version to try some filament switching. Overall I am happy with this filament.

I was a bit skeptical trying this brand at first, but I have to say the folks at Ziro have really got the formula right with their diamond PLA. I think its important to note that I use a 0.6mm nozzle with this diamond PLA, and other sparkle filaments I have used. I tried a couple other brands of sparkle filament and they would print decently for maybe 10% or 20% of the spool before clogging the nozzle, despite the large-ish opening of the 0.6mm nozzle. Not the case with Ziro. I have had no clogs at all after going through at least 5 spools of Ziro diamond PLA, in various colors. The particle size of the glitter specks is very fine, and I have to assume that size is well regulated so no large pieces get in the filament mixture (which is typically what causes clogs in some other brands). I print this with the same slicer settings that I use to print Ziro PLA Pro filament and standard filament from other brands, and it prints great every time. You can expect your prints with this filament to look more or less like the photos shown on the listing, but there is a sparkliness when held under light which the photos don't quite capture. The filament diameter is consistent (measured with calipers), and the bed adhesion is good. This is not a brittle filament like some silk filaments. I have found it to be every bit as strong as standard PLA filament. I'm very pleased with this product and will continue to order more. I have noticed the price has increased a bit in the past several months but I believe it's justified. The price does reflect the quality you should expect from this filament. Pictured are some skull planters and a standard size benchy

I had something that I wanted to print that was dynamic. Even though I am painting the whole piece, I didn't want to paint this part as it was a sort of "portal" on the scenic base, so I got this as I thought it would have a sort of space with stars look to it. I'm not entirely sure if I am going to use it for this piece now, as I printed the components and the sparkle effect is VERY subdued, which probably happens due to the printing process. I also printed a holder for tokens for a board game that has a LOT, and had to sand it to smooth off some of the print lines, and even after putting a gloss coat on it, it looks like I printed in plain black.As to other stuff, I had no issues getting it to adhere to the print plate, I had minimal stringing, and was able to get some extremely fine details printed on something else I used it for that's going to get painted, so overall it's a good filament. Just not entirely impressed with the glitter effect.

OMG. If one or both of your parents are emotionally immature or you are close to someone who does, this is a MUST READ. It provides the terminology, insight, and ways to handle those in your life who are emotionally immature. Get your highlighters and pens ready as you will be marking this book up. After several years in therapy, this is one of those books that will change how you view yourself, your childhood, siblings, and your parents all for the better.

This book was not only insightful, but educational in ways that years of therapy couldn't provide. Reading your childhood and adult relationships on paper aided in better understanding on how to move forward in life. A great read.

For the better. Made me realize my dad lacks maturity, which freed me to not worry what he thinks and be happy in myself and not worry about his argumentative and difficult behavior

It is a very nice pan. It looks elegant with the pounded stainless steel lid. We use it for morning oatmeal which just rinses off. We are very pleased.

This book is life changing, literally. I wasn’t prepared for how many wounds it would open. It’s a good thing. I feel like at 47 I’m finally understanding why I feel the way I do and the anger and shame in me are starting to subside. This book is worth it.

My parents died when I was barely twelve I spent the next 6 years living with a half-sister and her family that didn't want me. I was treated differently than the sister's kids. My brother in law hated me. I was blamed for everything that was wrong in that dysfunctional family. As crazy as it sounds, I was still trying to win their love until recently. This book helped me understand that my emotional growth was severely hindered by living with people who were incapable of loving me. I'm going to re-read it.

It is amazing understanding just how much an immature parent still pulls your strings even as an adult- this book is refreshing, freeing, informative, and transformative. I have been very wary of relationships due to my narcissistic mother, but now I feel like I’m letting that old part of me go and can create friendships more confidently and authentically. Reborn from the ashes.

If you, like me, had a horrible childhood then this book is for you. Regardless of the relationship you currently have with your parents, this book is for you. If you are a parent yourself, this book is especially for you.I'm finally starting to understand why my parents are the way they are and why they aren't capable of being the parents I needed them to be. It will never excuse the abuse but I do feel less crazy understanding why they are the way they are. It provides critical perspective while navigating the long healing process.Oh, and order some bleed proof highlighters in multiple colors and a small micron pen (01 or 005) because you'll want to highlight and annotate nearly every page. This is an excellent book to use in therapy and I've already bought a copy for my therapist.So thankful someone on reddit recommended this book!

This book changed the game. For so long I was confused on the ‘why’ of so many questions within myself. Reading this completely opened my eyes into my childhood trauma and helped my journey towards easing my resentment and anger. Highly recommend, as well as being interactive with the activities.

This book validated everything I’ve been through with my parents, and gave me great advice for communicating with them moving forward. I still don’t speak with my mother, but I feel like I have the tools necessary to handle her if I ever do again. Anyone who has ever had difficulty getting sympathy from their parents should READ THIS BOOK!

Well-written in a very practical and easy-to-follow reading style.It helped me understand myself, my family of origin, and my husband and his family. It also offers ideas about identifying emotionally mature people ( wish I knew this info decades ago) to help in making better life choices.

i found this book insightful and powerful and so helpful in dealing with many people in my life in addition to my parents. i think the only negative is that it seems to have a strong bias against the parents, who in my opinion are only victims of there own parents. but over all i loved it!

This is a great read and such an eye opener. i have been highlighting all through this book. It taking me a while to finish this book because i like to digest every piece of information so that i am able to utilize what i have read. GET IT, you will not regret it.

After being emotionally abused most of my life, I have been trying to move forward with my life. This can be so difficult as an adult and we don't know why. This book helps you understand why you are the way you are, why your parent(s) were the way they were. I have read several books on emotional abuse trying to get to the point I am today (acceptance, understanding and ready to move forward with what I know). No other book has gotten me to this point in my life where I feel good/better than I did before with what happened. I highly recommend this book for those who have suffered through years of emotional abuse. I can't wait to get to the last part of the book where I can figure out how to heal. Good luck with your journey!

When you look back and wonder why you did such stupid things in your life, you could be an adult child of emotionally immature parents. There are reasons, you discover while reading, for your relationship failures, depression, feeling inadequate and unsatisfied. You were not listened to or shown mature ways of being that make life and relationships exciting and pleasurable. You’re on the outside looking in always. Who was responsible? Your mom and dad or caretaker of course. They never learned themselves about being open and there for you. This book enlightens in an informed, clear voice. Give it a try if you sit there wondering how you got where you are at 50 or 60 or more, hopeless, surrounded by people who don’t connect with you and can’t seem to look you in the eyes. You can change things, and this book can help.

Although I’m an only child and mostly it talks about siblings. I was able to gain a lot of insight of my mother. I now don’t feel as if I was a bad daughter.

I came across a tiktok reading snippets of this book. I can't tell you to buy this book fast enough. This puts into words how many of us have felt as we grew up. I will advise if you aren't in a place where you are able to deeply self reflect this might not be the time for this. There's a checklist of abusive behaviors, baring your parents in mind you go through it. It breaks down terms like parentification, and brings light to what emotional intelligence SHOULD look like. I loved it so much, I've bought it for 3 friends as well!

I can't say enough good things about this book. This is not a how-to-steps type therapy book, rather it is an informative book about the ways we got to be where we are now. I have gained a more broad understanding of myself and parents through each chapter. I have never used a highlighter in a book, but i have found myself wanting to highlight lines on every page. Thank you to the author, this book has been life enhancing.

This book gave me very specific strategies of how to support myself and honor my own needs. It helped me understand my mother and have compassion for her. It also had me recognizing that for what I experienced growing up that I am completely NORMAL given my circumstances! And that the coping techniques I learned as a child protected me then, but interfere in healthy relationships now. Any why we are drawn to emotionally immature romantic partners and how to change that pattern. The book explains how to identify healthy relationships and non-healthy ones, and how to show up in each to have the best life!

I do not with to have a relationship with my parents. That being said i found this book extremely fascinating. I would have easily finished it in one sitting if i didn't have other obligations. I used it as a tool for self reflection and getting a deeper unstanding of my own self. This book was recommended to me and i would highly recommend it as well.

I feel like I am having better therapy reading this book than I ever got sitting in an office talking to any therapist. It’s amazing that it hits on just about every situation I went through. I can’t recommend this book enough for anyone who went through and are trying to heal from childhood trauma.

Lots of behaviors are finally put into clearance and given names.How behaviors we might consider normal, and think we should be more independent, more so and so, is given a gentle and heartwarming understanding, that as individuals we can be accepted just as who we are.Many thanks to Dr. Gibbon and her influential work!

This Book is extremely insightful and has plenty of example of phrases one might tell themselves based on their familial experiences. It provides tips on how to overcome the things/false opinions we tell ourselves and believe as adults based on our parents own lack of emotional maturity.

Author oversimplifies personality into a sort of binary, which is not entirely helpful or accurate. However, the book contains some useful information. It could be a decent starting point if one feels they need permission to find fault with their upbringing while not being sure if that upbringing was bad or not. I highly recommend also reading Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker

An excellent and insightful book. Hard to read a lot at once because it's so much to take in, even if it doesn't apply to you personally- which some of it inevitably will. A must read for anyone working with those who have experienced trauma - childhood or otherwise. Also, regardless of the age of the children, so whether for you or kids you work with, this book will be helpful.

I bought this because I wanted to be a better parent for my adult children, but it really opened my eyes. Great book.