The Fair Play Deck: A Couple's Conversation Deck for Prioritizing What's Important

For relevant context, I'm a Licensed Professional Counselor and have masters in relationship therapy. I work with millennial-age couples and relationships. I was excited to find these cards because there aren't many resources like this available and many of the traditional couples therapy books and tools feel outdated to people younger than 40.Fair Play has identified a common problem in distressed relationships: Imbalanced workloads and invisible labor falling unfairly on one partner. However, I have concerns about how Fair Play is designed to solve that problem. In fact, I steer folks away from solving this problem in the way that Fair Play does. My concern is that, for relationships in distress, Fair Play could easily become a task assigning tool or a way to score-keep, both of which are well-documented to exacerbate relationship distress and increase resentment. It feels more like a mediation tool than a therapy or relationship-strengthening tool (which is totally fine, just good to know up front). I wouldn't recommend it to a client.

Making a game of tedious tasks is always a good strategy. This deck has it's pros and cons, but the pros definitely outweigh the cons. It's a great way to start a conversation about the distribution of work in a household. Communication is key, and no one wants to feel criticized or as if they're not contributing enough. It's so easy to feel like a failure when simple chores are left unfinished because no one takes up the task in a timely manner, leaving an issue area like a few dishes or dust bunnies to grow into an overwhelming task. With these cards divided up, there's no question about who is doing what and when. It suddenly becomes clear just how much each person is taking on, and if anything, helps everyone appreciate the mutual effort of keeping things running smoothly.It's still often the case that the "mental load" of a household falls on women. As an article from Forbes on this very subject puts it: "It’s having to remember to pick up eggs. Even if you ask someone else to buy eggs, it’s you then checking that the eggs were in fact bought. It’s essentially project management. And when it’s at work, that’s what we call it. Project management. Or just management. It’s a whole job. Yet when it’s at home, we call it, well, we don’t really have a word for it." The micro-tasks that stack up throughout any given day shouldn't fall to one person or one gender in a household, and this deck attempts to even that playing field.Pros:★Conversation starter (positive communication is key)★Making a game of tedious tasks is always a good strategy★Assist in the even distribution of household work and "mental load"★Make clear who is doing what and when in a household★Foster appreciation between members of a householdCons:★More couple-centric versus family-centric or household-centric★Many cards (almost half of the deck) for child rearing (these can just be pulled from the deck and kept in the box for childless households). Maybe a future installment of these cards could be further divided, so the child rearing cards can actually be expanded upon and purchased separately. This would make the set more approachable for different households and living arrangements, other than a nuclear family.★★★★★

These are great. If you truly deal out the system every week I am sure they are invaluable. I'm new to the system and thought these would be a good cheat sheet for me to begin as I just finished Eve's book (and loved it).I was hoping each card would have the CPE checklist on it found on the Fair Play website. I get that it probably wouldn't look as good or maybe wouldn't even fit on the card. Most people probably don't need to be told the minutiae of what "doing the dishes" means, but my partner and I do! Just thought there were lots of helpful reminders in the checklists on the website and was hoping that would be part of the resource. Other than that, they look great.

My husband and I have been using the Fair Play system, based on reading the book Fair Play, for about eight months now. Although the book isn't perfect, the system is working for us and we adapt it to fit our lives. When I first finished reading the book, like many people I asked, "Where are the cards?" Then I realized the game is a metaphor and you can use whatever system you like. We have been using a Trello board with digital cards. So when this physical deck was released, I thought it would be a waste of money and a hard pass. Then I decided to give it a try, because these are hard discussions and any tool that makes it easier might just be worth it. It turns out I like the cards!Our biggest struggle with Fair Play is the looooong conversations. There are a lot of cards, and a lot to figure out together. Even with a pared down deck and relatively low housekeeping standards. I don't send Christmas cards, lol. The book doesn't give a lot of examples about how a Fair Play meeting might go. It all looks easy, but as you begin to have these meetings you can really get lost in the weeds. I found that this deck of cards encouraged us to be quick about it. Instead of yakking at length, we quickly flipped through the cards and grabbed the ones we needed to. Having a physical deck puts the emphasis on simply *taking* the card. Sure, we need to have conversations about standards too, and the fact that we've been using this system helped move things along. But I found the cards sped things up, made it easy to visualize the act of "taking on" a responsibility, and even made it easy to quickly trade and do the exercise of considering what our spouse was holding.I am taking off one star because the cards should include some more definition about what goes into each task. While these can be found on the website and in the book, if you're paying for a printed deck, some version of it should be on the card in your hands. A lot of space is wasted by having the back of each card look (mostly) identical, like traditional playing cards. Put some CPE info there instead.

My husband and I have been poring over this card deck since they arrived! I think that the deck stands alone reasonably well, but we've really appreciated having the book to refer back to as well, since some of the card meanings can be a little ambiguous without more context. We've already discovered some great nuances where we can both gain efficiencies by splitting up work more clearly!Having the concrete tangible cards present on our kitchen island has been a great conversation starter for both of us. I'm excited to see what the next few weeks of playing the game results in!The only flaw I'm seeing so far is that I'm not quite sure how best to display our hands once we've committed to them. I'm considering setting up a corkboard and pinning the cards. I'm hoping that future reviewers will post their solutions!

I'm a clinical psychologist who studies stress in families, so I am very familiar with the problems these cards are helping to solve-- uneven division of labor, poor communication, nagging, and resentment. I recommend these cards to all friends + family who are struggling to find a more equitable way to manage their household. A few things I really like about them:--They make invisible labor visible. Yes, there are cards for the obvious daily grind tasks, like dishes and laundry. But there's also a tooth fairy card ("Magical Beings"), a card for thank you notes, maintaining adult friendships-- so much of the behind-the-scenes work that keeps a household humming but goes unrecognized and unacknowledged. When you have a task on a physical card that you can hold in your hand, it helps make these kinds of tasks concrete to both partners.--There's an upside for both partners. These cards aren't just a clever way to trick your partner into doing more chores. As Rodsky stresses in her book (which I *highly* recommend reading before deploying the cards), this system isn't just focused on the sheer number of tasks that each person does, but in making sure that each partner feels total ownership of the tasks they take on. So there's less cross-talk, redundant effort, and less of a need for partners to check up on each other. In short, less nagging. When you take on a whole task- conception, planning, AND execution- it is more satisfying and meaningful, and it gives your other partner the freedom to trust you and not feel compelled to micromanage. The cards aren't really for score-keeping, but for improving communication and accountability between partners.--The cards are fun! Household labor is usually not all that enjoyable, and it's a common area of conflict for couples. The "gamification" aspect of these cards takes a topic that is often a bitter slog, and make it feel playful.

I have an admission. I am a well educated frugal consumer but I bought a really, really expensive garbage can and I love it!! Probably one of the best kitchen purchases I have ever made!I live in a family of five people. Our town has single can recycling (everything in one big bucket). Over the years we just got used to having a step trash can and then leaving the recycling on the counter. That eventually devolved into having a bag sit on top of the trash can with various amounts of recycling in it. It was ugly and painful.Over the years I looked at various Simplehuman recycling solutions. I came close to purchasing on several occasions but I just could't do it. How could any trash can be worth the money?!! And the liners, oh the liners. How could I possibly put myself into a situation to buy expensive liners from the expensive trash can company. I mean really!Well, then it happened. I finally got pissed off at the recycling sitting on top of the trash and the dog taking it around the house. I also hated having to move the bag to actually throw out trash. Then I found this trash can. In the past, I was always worried there wasn't enough trash or recycling room under the lid. This can had the largest recycling bin and trash bin I could find. I pulled the trigger. Tears dripped down my cheeks as I paid $200 for a recycling can. What the hell, I could always return it. I don't HAVE to use their liners, I could just tie a regular old 13 gallon liner on the trash side. Let's see...The can came. I pulled it out of the box and put the sample set of H size liners in the convenient pocket on the back of the trash side. All of a sudden, no more clutter and enough room for trash!! The skies opened and the Angels sang. And I have to tell you, it's worth every penny!!! The can looks nice and performs well. The recycling bucket comes right out and I can walk it to the garage to throw it in our town bin for collection. The size bags slide right out, tie up and go to the regular trash can. Before I leave with the full bag I just pull a new liner through the nice slot and put it right where it belongs. Genius.Oh - and about the liners. They work. They work really, really well and are so convenient in the pocket on the trash can that I spent the money to get a whole lot of them (better price that way - I am after all still a frugal guy). Once you get your can, register the warranty on the simplehuman site. They will send you a coupon for dollars off an order at their site ($5.00 if I remember correctly). Go to the simplehuman site and you can order 240 liners (a size I was unable to find anywhere else) with free shipping. Use your coupon and buy them.You only live once, don't stare at trash or loose recycling! Just do it. You wont be sorry.

I never imagined I would spend so much for a trash can - in fact, I had buyer's remorse as soon as I hit the one-click button. Think about it, though. I spend my life in a 1br/1 ba with room for only one trash can. It's something I see several times a day. I'd rather see this than its predecessor, a $10 Rubbermaid that somehow always had food dribbling from the edges and had to be hosed out weekly.I use this with regular 13 gallon garbage bags. I have arthritis in my fingers, so inserting a new bag is painful at times, but that probably goes with the territory. I laughed when I read some reviews saying this holds more than a regular 13-gallon bag, because science would suggest otherwise. It seems to! I have no facts to support this.For those complaining that they could do without the liner bag at the back (and the added depth) - look at it sideways (see my pic). The door hinges are what cause the added depth, not the bag liner storage. That's because the bin itself is devoted to just holding the garbage.I love that the bag storage system hides the edges of the garbage bag from view. I have been told that it's also good at stifling smells. I have no sense of smell, but I hope so. My Rubbermaid certainly didn't.Think about it: If you're about to spend $5,000 on a kitchen renovation, this is small change. It makes my small kitchen look a million bucks better and work a lot better too.Update: I caved and bought the Simple Human trash bags, and I'm, er, glad. They're easier to fit on the bin, they're designed to disappear under the rim, and they seem to be better quality than the Glad bags I'd been using. I've yet to see one of the bags spring a leak from something sharp-edged in the trash - the Glad bags often did. Everyone knows what a hassle it is when the trash bag starts falling apart as you're racing it to the garbage chute/wheelie bin.

Simple Human trash cans are expensive. Really expensive! But they're worth every penny.This one is beautifully designed, durable, easy to use and clean & very functional (almost intuitive).Both sides fit your standard kitchen bags. This can comes with a pack of the Simple Human trash bags which fit in a super convenient dispenser located at the back of this trash can. I felt these were too expensive, so I just fold regular trash bags so they'll dispense at a time instead.The recycling side has a can that is removable but no dispenser for bags. I guess the average SH consumer diligently washes and dries their recycling, so no need for bags. I, however, am lucky if my recyclables are totally empty, so I use a clear bag. I store a few empty bags at the bottom of the can for easy bag changes.The trash side, in addition to the dispenser, has a removable bottom for easy cleaning.The exterior is fingerprint resistant (not proof, I have a toddler) and easy to wipe clean.The step has worked reliably and the lid has a slow soft and quiet close.Overall, I'm very happy with this trash can. It makes a great addition to my kitchen.

I was obsessed with this trashcan at first but it dents so easily. I have zero idea what could’ve caused these dents from the inside out. I have barely had it and don’t ever overfill it (I live alone so know what all goes in it). I don’t put anything in there any other person wouldn’t also. For the price this should absolutely last longer than a month.

For the amount of money this garbage can cost DO NOT GET IT IN THIS COLOR. After one week I went to wipe it down with Clorox wipes inside & out. The rose gold started peeling off as I wiped it clean showing the stainless steel color beneath it. Very disappointed. If you do purchase it your safest bet is to purchase it in stainless steel.

The system creates an awesome language for my fiancé and I to talk about household things. Book is mildly sexist, wish she actually used a mix of pronouns and examples instead of a throwaway “you can use any gender in these examples” at the beginning.

So great!! Great conversations and keeps you honest😍

It would be helpful if everything was printed on cards and we didn’t have to read website too.

More of a bubblegum pink. The product is great. I used the red on another purse and it worked well.

The color is not even close to hot pink. It is more like a pale pepto bismol pink.. paint comes off cant return product if used. Shipping it back costs just as much as the product.

I've bought several bottles of this paint, and it's great. I custom paint boots. I used this color with burgundy and copper. I like it because it's not a soft pink. If you're looking for a BRIGHT pink, they have at least two other colors in bright pink.

Great price

This has made a huge impact on my relationship. I haven’t had an argument with my husband since we started this. I feel less stressed, and I see my husband pulling more weight around the house.

I appreciate the physicality of having all the tasks on the cards but it is tedious and time consuming to look up the details of CPE and minimum standard of care on the website for each card. These conversations are already long and difficult. Having the details on the cards would make them easier.

We really like this "game" it has helped our marriage by taking emotions out of the house hold chores and rather turning it into a focus on values. We surprisingly ended up with about 50/50 of all the cards and have gone through the first month. No more constant reminders no more convincing each other of doing certain chores. We see what the other vales and trust that we will do each chore. Looking forward to the 6 month mark when we get to reevaluate our decks

I realized while shuffling through these cards with my husband that we really didn’t have a full picture or concept of how our time is spent, we lacked appreciation for each tiger because we didn’t have a foundation of what each aspect of our lives takes to stay afloat. was nice to see a lot of behind the scene tasks that are usually handled by the primary home partner and have a conversation about what goes into those. I think I had forgotten how much work it is for my hubs to manage our finances. Worth the buy, will change your perspective

This was recommended to me and I was hoping that I could use it to more fairly divide chores. It has helped surface a lot of the “invisible load” and thus our daily routines. Truly, this (as well as the book that I got first) is a good buy for those who want to start making changes in their lives and gain back their time.

My house is more peaceful now that I know that my partner and I both have our own tasks, vs my conception of cleaning as one big task that I’m always failing at.

I’m sure this will spark some interesting conversation with my partner, but I think it’s oversimplified. Cleaning is one card? So one person handles all the CPE of all cleaning? Watching kids is one card? So one person is always in charge of watching the kids? That would never work for us. So will this really help clarify who is doing what? Idk, but I’m hopeful to at least get some good conversation out of it.

Going through this deck with my partner has given us a language and framework to make conversations about daily tasks easy and collaborative rather than tense and laced with guilt. If you’re finding that the division of labor (visible and invisible) doesn’t feel right in your home, you need this deck!

This deck, along with the companion Book Fair play changed the dynamic of my relationship. Finally, I had the tools to communicate to my partner the workload, worries, and responsibilities that I felt I had to shoulder alone. Both my partner and I are are excited to use this deck to further our connection and love for one another as we continue to grow together.

I’m sure this will spark some interesting conversation with my partner, but I think it’s oversimplified. Cleaning is one card? So one person handles all the CPE of all cleaning? Watching kids is one card? So one person is always in charge of watching the kids? That would never work for us. So will this really help clarify who is doing what? Idk, but I’m hopeful to at least get some good conversation out of it.

My husband and I had talked about Fair Play for a while after years of bickering over household duties, me unsuccessfully trying to explain the unseen tasks on my plate and him really wanting to understand. We finally bit the bullet and bought these and the cards laid out really well what chores we each hold and what we handle together and started the discussion on shifting things around so we both felt happy with our share of household duties. Highly recommend for those looking to have a visual aid during partnership discussions.

The cards are great. The box got mangled in delivery. Why would they put it in a bubble mailer? Every single corner of the box is screwed up.

I got this as a means to try and work out a better arrangement for the division of tasks in my house. However, I am somewhat disappointed in this because all of it is oversimplified. For example, there is one card for cleaning. There is one card for watching kids. Anyone who has kids knows it’s not a one person job and I feel that making one card for each of these tasks doesn’t help anything because right now I am doing all of the cleaning all of the time and it is exhausting. This deck is perpetuating one person doing all the work. There should be multiple cards for cleaning, multiple cards for “watching” kids. They could easily add 100 cards just for cleaning, I would know because I’ve actually created a spreadsheet of all the stuff I do. This deck doesn’t really help with the division of required tasks, and a lot of things are unnecessary.I like the idea of minimum standard of care, but the deck is too simple. Also, there should be a short description of what some cards mean, as an example: There is a card for home furnishings… what exactly does that mean? Buying, cleaning?? Who knows.